Trying to Forget
by Secret Starr
Summary: Ichigo's not trying to remember Rukia, he's trying to forget her completely. After all, it's much easier to forget someone you miss than to actually miss them. One-shot! Spoilers from chapter 424


It took a half hour to write this and it's purely a one-shot! I just had the idea come into my mind and I felt the need to write it, so, tada! I know this entire "Rukia's gone and Ichigo is emo!" Thing has been done SO MUCH, but, I figured I should throw in my own version too. :)

No romance... unless you're a diehard IchiRuki fan, than maybe you can find some if ya turn your head 90 degree's to the right and squint really had and hop up and down on one foot.

_Italics are thoughts._

Enjoy!

* * *

**TRYING** to **FORGET**

* * *

The lunch bell rings and Ichigo silently grabs his bento out from under his desk before heading up to the rooftop for the mid day meal with the guys as usual.

Looking around, he notices Kegio sitting near the railing, looking over the school grounds.

_'Probably being a pervert again._' Ichigo thinks, rolling his eyes before deciding to knock him out of his grazing of the girls below.

Deciding to be nice, Ichigo merely slaps the back of Keigo's head, in which the brunette jumps before rubbing his sore noggin with a smile.

"Oh, it's you, Ichigo!"

"Yeah, who else would it be?" The said strawberry mutters, putting his bento on the ground before sticking his straw through his juice box and taking a sip.

Kegio laughs a bit before agreeing and heading into a topic that every student their age had in question: the future.

Ichigo doesn't pay much attention to this topic, as it's been asked a million times (and a million more times to come) before he can sense a heavy scilence settle between them.

"...I wonder what Rukia's up to."

Looking down at his friend with a snap, Ichigo glares at Keigo who's curled on the pavement.

"Why does Rukia have to come into disscussion there?"

Ignoring the way his heart contracts painfuly when he says her name, Keigo answers Ichigo's question.

"Because don't you think it'd be nice for her to show her face around here everyone once and a while? Don't you think it's kinda cold that she hasn't come back even once?"

Looking away with his signature glare back on his face, the thought of, _'Yes, it is cold. Very cold of her not to come. I thought we where friends, not just... war buddies.'_

The line runs through Ichigo's mind before he can stop it, but he responds to Keigo's statement with ice anyway.

"No, it's not. She isn't the represenitive of Karakura Town to begain with. It's normal for her not to come."

"...Aren't you lonely?" His friend whispers.

Ichigo's livid with Keigo. How dare he bring up Rukia after all this time? Why couldn't he just drop the subject? Couldn't Keigo see that he didn't want to remember Rukia?

"Like hell I'd be."

_'Like hell I am.'_His mind contridicts himself.

"This is the normal life I've worked sixteen years to get. I'm fine with peace until I die." Ichigo finishes, turning his back to Keigo, picking his bento from the ground.

Keigo's voice is a bit lower than usual, but he picks himself off the ground with his responce to Ichigo.

"...I feel ya. I don't wanna have any more scary experiances like that either."

_'I would do anything for another one.'_Ichigo lets his mind wander, walking away from Keigo with uneaten bento in hand as he decides to take a walk through the quieter part of the school grounds.

_'I've never once felt superior due to being able to see ghosts. And I never thought to make a living at it.'_

Ichigo roughly kicks a small rock out of his path and puts in some ear phones for a better excuse to ignore the girls in the far corner calling out to him and giggling loudly.

_'I also never thought to help anyone because of it.'_

A twig crumples beneath his foot, broken as he moves fowards.

_'I... just dreamed of having a life where I couldn't see them.'_

He sighs inwardly.

_'I've become what I've always dreamed of.'_

He grits a teeth with his next thought.

_'And I hate it.'_

Stopping before a lone plot of grass, Ichigo sits down and pulls out the scilent earphones from his ears.

It's not that he's mad at Keigo, it's that he's mad that Keigo brought up _Rukia._

After trying so long to forget her, someone was always trying to bring her up.

First, Inoue, who had told Ichigo that she would always be there to listen if he felt like talking about her. Than Ishida had mentioned her name a few times with a hidden emotion of concern. Hell, even Chad spoke of her once or twice.

Why did everyone think he wanted to talk about her? Obviously _she _was doing _fine_ without _him_. After all, she hadn't visited and hadn't made any form of contact with him. Hell, for all he knew, she could be a Lieutenant, or on a dangerous mission, or achieved Bankai or dead and he wouldn't know one damn thing because she hadn't come back in seventeen months.

Running a hand through his hair, Ichigo continues his thoughts.

He's trying his hardest to forget her, because it's easier than remembering her. Likewise, he'd rather be mad at her for not coming back than depressed about not being able to see her and her not coming to see him.

**_'Coward.'_**

Yup, that's what she would call him right now. Maybe a few other insults or slaps or shin kicks (was she still short by now?) or something... something that would make sense and make him feel ashamed that he was taking the easy way out.

But even Ichigo doesn't need her here to feel ashamed of himself.

It's the simple way to get by, to choose anger over sadness and build a wall because of it. It was easier to forget her and pretend that she didn't exist because remembering would only bring a tug of hurt to his chest.

Too bad every damn thing reminded him of Rukia.

Juice boxes.

_Grape was her favorite flavor..._

The bruises he got occasionally on his legs.

_She left bigger ones..._

And the scars on his body.

_The fights that he fought to save her and the ones he gained fighting along side her..._

She touched his life and with the touch burned herself into his mind. She left, and the burn remained. A permenate, never healing sting that she made so she always came into his mind.

She was his mentor.

Friend.

Warrior.

Family.

Heart.

Yeah, he still lived on, he still functioned, but his best friend was gone from his side.

And it hurt like hell.

Hearing the end of lunch bell ring, Ichigo stands, brushes the back of his pants to rid them of dirt, and walks back into the school.

History class is begining, one of his few classes that Ichigo doesn't share with Inoue, Chad, or Ishida... and he's glad about not having to witness the excuse of going to the "nurses office" or "bathroom" that were actually Hallow hunts.

So Ichigo sits at his desk, pencil in hand, scribbling down notes as the history teacher in front of him rambles on.

Pausing for a bit, Ichigo writes something in the margine of his paper before trying to pay attention to the lesson again.

_'I'm sorry, Rukia.'_

"Me too." a dark haired, short, Soul Reaper says, turning away from the window as the orange haired boy continues his work.

* * *

I was doing fine, I pushed your memory from my head,

**only to have you rammed forcefully back in. **

My heart once again cringes, my head once again reels,

**and all these hidden emotions I once again feel.**

**

* * *

**

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? I'd love if you left them in a review! However, please don't correct my spelling/grammar in one... my writing program is down and there's not much I can do besides my own spell check. :)

Thanks for any reviews and favorites in advance!


End file.
